deviantART: bewarecalamity's Journal: Ode to my Vagina

What the heck is she talking about now?

I'm taking a psychology class on human sexuality. The assignment for tomorrow is to write a letter, ode, or poem to your genitalia. I want to do a parody of the "Dear Stan" song. I'll be writing it tonight. Do you have any helpful lines that may be especially funny? (Like a letter from you to your vagina?)

Dear Slim, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got him
There probably was a problem at the post office or something
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot him
but anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Bonnie
I read about your Uncle Ronnie too I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit that you did with Skam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the shit you did with Ruckus too, that shit was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan

What would you write if you were assigned this?

Devious Comments

~~love 0 0~~

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~twoyearslate Jan 28, 2009, 1:33:58 PM

I think I would've laughed so hard if I ever was assigned this task. I would've had BIIIG problems doing that, so I'm not much help, unfortunately.

--
PS. I Love You

=oleanderchardonai Jan 28, 2009, 1:45:40 PM

If you include the topic of menstruation I suggest referring to it as "egg dropping," someone said that to me and it was fricken hilarious. For more inspiration you can youtube search for the "Dear penis" song which is pretty funny.

Good luck with the course, Human Sexuality classes are always fun! It was my minor

--
Dunkel ist das Leben; ist der Tod.

German - "Dark is Life; dark is Death."

=myxchemicalxkiss Jan 28, 2009, 1:55:18 PM

^{I'd write this:

Periods are red.
Pads are whi-wait.
I think I just go my period.
This is so going to ruin my date.}

--
_{All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.
Flash.
Give me anything in this whole fucking world that is exactly what it looks like!

-Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk}

~Corsico Jan 28, 2009, 2:01:59 PM

first of all I'd address it properly as she is holly (not a great joke but whatever I'm tired)

it's a cute assignment

--
I

~PurpleHands

sizze: ~VampireHeart518 ~mydearestcrime ~LethalSin

`Helewidis Jan 28, 2009, 2:09:17 PM

that's an awesome idea! we all should write to our vaginas!!!

--
_{Eloísa Valdes,
Anthropologist by day, Deviant by night.

`Helewidis & ^estudio aka dA's Bonnie & Clyde}

~IdiotxxSavante Jan 28, 2009, 2:34:11 PM

Dear Snatch,
What the heck is going on?
I'm cramping, but my period ain't on.
Am I pregnant or are you just playin' games?
I hope not, it's just way to lame.
Your antics are driving me insane.
I'm three days past due,
but I'm not freaking out.
I wanna scream and shout,
but I hold it in and cool down.
If you don't start bleeding soon
I'm surely gonna be doomed.
So I'm begging you, don't conceive.
Me have a kid? Shit, I don't have the means
to support myself, let alone not a child.
My life is far too wild
to bring a little one on the scene.
You get what I mean?

Love,
Insert Name Here

I scribbled this in like...five seconds. Forgive me for the language. I was channeling Eminem.

--
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
-JFK

=eskimoblueboy Jan 28, 2009, 4:57:26 PM

No suggestions, but as a professor I love the assignment. Have fun with it!

--
If I could tell the story in words, I wouldn't need to lug a camera. --Lewis Hine